Do You Love Me?

The little girl chants, ‘He loves me, he loves me not,’ as she plucks petals from the daisy. The petals drift to the ground and she is left with one and which one will it be? Will it be ‘he loves me?’ or ‘he loves me not?’ If it is for love, she will smile the secret smile of the beloved. If it is he loves me not, she will tuck the rejection away into a secret place that tells her, ‘I told you so,’ and grab another flower for another round.

 

We play this game as little girls and as we grow it takes on a grown-up twist. We wonder if we will be loved when we fail, when we hurt, and when we’re at our worst. Early in my marriage I picked a fight with my husband just to see what he would do if he saw me behaving at my worst. This ‘experiment’ didn’t turn out the way I thought it would, and I definitely don’t recommend these kinds of ‘tests.’

 

These games disappoint because our friends, families, and spouses are not designed to meet our every need. Our relationships are made up of two sinful people trying to follow God. Mistakes will be made. Feelings will be hurt. Perfect love is imperfectly expressed. Our deepest heart-needs cannot and will not be met by another human.

 

I play the ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ game unaware of what I’m really doing, but I see in hindsight the evidence of disappointment, frustration, and dejection. As I become more self-aware of my behavior and thought processes, I’m discovering more and more how much God loves me and how he is the only one who is guaranteed to love me through it all.

 

He loves us. He loves us with a depth that we cannot fully comprehend. He loves us in such a way that when we are at our very worst, he wraps his arms around us and whispers songs of love in our heart.

 

He will not forsake us. He is faithful. He is love. His lovingkindness is everlasting. It triumphs over our worst days, it is the melody to our best days, and it is our strength for our everydays.

 

We are women. We experience fluctuating moods and hormonal changes. God made us this way and called it good. We will have great days, and we will have worst days. We will wonder whether we are lovable so we play the game, ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ and with God, we will never end with, ‘He loves me not.’

 

He loves you on your awful, terrible, no good, very bad days. Will you run to his arms and allow yourself to be comforted? The next time you are your worst version of yourself, instead of turning your disgust onto yourself, will you turn and look him fully in the face and see his love for you?

 

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above of in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the Love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39 NLT

Jessica Van Roekel
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Jessica Van Roekel

Jessica Van Roekel is a woman on the journey to wholeness through brokenness. She believes that through Christ our personal histories don’t have to define our present or determine our future. Her greatest desire is to see people live this ‘God-life’ with all the power and grace that God provides. Jessica lives in a rural community with her husband and four children. She leads worship on Sundays, but seeks to be a worshiper every day. You can connect with her at www.welcomegrace.com and on Facebook.
Jessica Van Roekel
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