The Nips and Tucks of Marriage

Husband: “When I grew-up the bathroom floor was so clean you could eat off it.”

Wife: “I’m not planning on eating off our bathroom floor.”

Husband: “My mom irons everything, including sheets and underwear.”

Wife: “I do the bake and shake version- Dry. Shake. Go.”

As a new bride, I thought it best to quickly lower my groom’s expectations.

He wasn’t the only one who had big ideas of what should be. I expected my husband to clear the driveway the moment snow began to accumulate, just like my dad did. I mean really, didn’t all men do that? But Tom was good with putting the car in four-wheel-drive.

Tracks on driveway, no problem for him. A few wrinkles in the clothes, no worries for me.

And life still goes on.

We all come into marriage, into families with preconceived ideas. Those standards are often not for ourselves but for our spouse. (I’ve noticed the bar I set for Tom is quite high. Yet, I generously give myself more room to move… Yep- works for me!)

Talking and adjusting.

Let’s begin by picking out what is important and what is just a preference. These seemingly small notions can morph into unresolved resentments and bigger issues if we don’t verbalize our vision of what should be. Then the discussion of what can be can take place. Marriage is a union that brings together two people raised in two different homes. Of course there will be differences.

Husbands and wives need to find a way to tailor their life together so the fit is right for both individuals.

So…the next time you begin a sentence to your mate starting with the words, should or ought–S.T.A.L.L.


Talk about what you were hoping, expecting, thinking.

Ask, “Would you be able to…”

Listen to the answer.

Learn together how to tailor the best solution for your unique marriage.

It’s possible some nips and tucks might need to be made in the expectation. When two become one, both need to make room for the other. Then…don’t sweat the small stuff.

What have been some of your expectations due to your family of origin? 

A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh.
Ephesians 5:31

Lori Wildenberg
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Lori Wildenberg

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Lori is passionate about helping families build connections that last a lifetime. Lori connects with her audience using her natural warmth, transparency, humor, and straight-forward, faith-filled approach. She is a licensed parent and family educator, co-founder of 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting ( ), author, parent consultant, and national speaker. Lori is the lead mentor mom at Moms Together
( ),a Facebook community. She contributes to many on-line and print magazines including: Crosswalk, Christian Parenting, Just Between Us, and MTL (More to Life). Her 4th and most recent book,Messy Journey: How Grace and Truth Offer the Prodigal a Way Home can be found on most on-line and brick and mortar stores. Amazon link ( ). Mostly, Lori is wife to Tom and mom of four, plus one daughter-in-love.The Wildenbergs’ home is nestled in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. For more information on Lori, her parenting ministry, or to contact her head over to
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